He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
