If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My pussy is not your playground.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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