Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
