I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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