She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
