God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
