Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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