i can't believe i had my finger in that
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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