mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
