my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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