I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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