I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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