i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My vagina is officially offended.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
