I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
