is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
