Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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