is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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