you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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