what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
