You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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