I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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