Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
