I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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