i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
