god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i believe in u and ur pee
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
