so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
