ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
