id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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