she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
