we made out on top of his cat.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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