You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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