I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
