4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
