Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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