he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
