I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
