It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
