I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
