Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
