Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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