Reggie can tackle my bush.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
