Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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