you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
