if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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