remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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