I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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