I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
barbara walters just said penis...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
