I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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