I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
