I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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