did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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