dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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