after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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