thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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