Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
