Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
