I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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