The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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