Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
