My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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